Family Time & Photos

This past week I've spent more time with family. I had my cousin Estela come visit with her two not so little kids, Rene and Gabby. My grandmother basically raised my cousin along with my mom and two of my aunts. Because of that, they consider themselves sisters more than aunts and niece. 

Having not seen them for maybe eight years, it was mice spending time with them. My cousin Rene (second cousin) is moving to Mexico to continue his studies; it's a big move. I'm proud of him. Most of our family loves education and went for great professions. This kid has brains, and he has guts as well. He ended his journalism career to do something he loves, a soccer technician. That's gutsy! 

During their visit, we went to Disneyland. Yay! The best thing about that is that my cousins from here went as well!!! I love hanging out with my cousin Walter, he's such a blast! And well, bugging my baby cousin Brian is something we all love doing. I got to spend time with Walter's girlfriend Jocelyn as well. I got to know her better, she's super funny. Of course, my beloved Fenix was missing from the picture. Somedays, I get the mean reds because I miss her so much. We aren't a huge family, but it's fun when we get together. 

Yesterday two of my siblings and I spent the day at my aunt's house, visiting my grandmother and spending time with my visiting cousins. It was nice... playing music and having my grandmother sing along, looking thru my aunt's photo albums. We saw pictures of all of us as kiddies. I took a few shots with my crappy phone so I'll post that up. 

Mom with my two brothers

Rene and Gabby came back home with us to sleepover. We introduced them to some American culture... they laughed while watching Mean Girls. Estela didn't want to come stay with us. She couldn't do it emotionally. My mom and her were close in age,raised as sisters. I understood, these things aren't easy. None of our family from El Salvador have seen us since my mother passed away. So I think there's been less closure for them. 

“There are many things in your heart you can never tell to another person. They are you, your private joys and sorrows, and you can never tell them. You cheapen yourself, the inside of yourself, when you tell them.” -Greta Garbo

It's odd, I'm expressing my thoughts because it's my annual reflection session... my twenty-fifth birthday is around the corner. My last five years have been a roller-coaster. When I was twenty, pure stupidity ensued and bad decisions were made. Things got better, especially at CSULB and meeting great people there that I keep in my heart. Then twenty-three bit me in the arse. Extremely horrible time in my life. I lost myself for a person that was worthless, and I became as worthless as he still is. I'm so happy I didn't stay in that catastrophe. 

This year was better. My gamma of friends increased, and I know myself even more than before. This time I won't lose or chase myself away for anyone. I opened up my feelings to someone, that sucked. Recently, I saw one of my best friends lose himself for a girl... it hurts to see someone you love make the same mistakes you have. For those who know me, I love my friends, I love them more than anything. Those that I consider the best of them, I would rather experience every atrocity a million times than see them hurt at least once. I hope he is strong enough to follow thru with his choice to move on. 

What do I expect for twenty-five? Expectations, well expectations aren't good. I know I sound like a cynic, but most people cannot fulfill what you expect of them. It's not because they do it on purpose, it's just they might not consider certain things as important as you do, hence their drive is below par. I guess I've either given them slack, or just lost all hope. I say that for a majority of people in my life, even people (or guy) in passing. I have my pillars in life.

I'm fortunate to have what I have now, even all the shiz I've experienced. It's molded me. I can be cold and harsh because I've met people who are despicable. I can be sweet, self-sacrificing, and loving because I have friends that reciprocate that. I can be sad and quiet because the hardships life has given me. I can be lively, energetic and loud because I want life to be different for me. I can be careless because if you can't control something, why worry about it. I can be anal and OCD because I want what I can control to be done right the first time. This paragraph is full of "I"s because I can only control my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I can choose what I want in my life and what or who is dispensable. 

I want to be happy and have sincere, genuine, honest, loving, understanding people in my life. I want to enjoy art, music, books, and nature. I want more adventures. If anyone has an issue with that...who cares? I sure don't, I've probably already forgotten you and moved on. I chose to act. 

“The more often he feels without acting, the less he will be able ever to act, and, in the long run, the less he will be able to feel.”- C.S. Lewis

Dad & Mom

Brother & two cousins (Jorge & Walter)

Three aunts with my mom and Estela